The crying can happen at anytime, and I mean anytime! I am not a person who cries easily. Yeah, I'm overly sensitive and quite empathetic, but I really don't cry. But, now I do. And there is no warning. And it hits me so hard and so fast, I can't even prepare for it. Neither can I stop it. It comes from so deep within. It is from a place, I have never had to cry from before. A place that never had to feel this pain. An empty, terrible, dark, horrible place. The pain comes from there, and it wells up and comes forth as a cry that is new to me. A cry that has never before, ever reached my lips. It is from so deep within that the sobs are immediate. They are painful, terrible sobs. Not loud sobs, but quiet. But they are sobs. The hurt is still there, the emptiness, the loss still with me.
During these cries I feel:
hopeless
empty
sad
defeated
nauseous
lonely
But, I go on. I keep going.
I would have been 13 weeks tomorrow. Somehow, I go on.
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