June 7th, yesterday, would have been our baby's due date. I spent some of that day getting a tattoo. It felt appropriate to mark the day with something to forever remember the baby by and to appreciate the five children I have. It also seemed appropriate to fill at least a 1/2 hour of that day with pain.
The tattoo was a daisy representing the baby and five butterflies representing the children I do have.
Not one tear was shed that day, but a quiet came over me after I got my tattoo. A sadness.
I was surprised that I didn't cry. I am not sure if this is good or bad.
I cried the day before when telling my mom what June 7th was. It was quick surprising cry that I couldn't hold back even if I wanted to. This is normal when I cry about this loss. I am not sure why. It has just always been this way.
Tears do come to my eyes sometimes, but being surprised by the uncontrollable sobs is not a pleasant thing.
Today is June 8th and it was just like any other day. MY life goes on.
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