Why is it that the Holidays are so much harder? The only thing I can think of is that it was a time in my mind, when I first found out I was pregnant, that I looked to.
I remember thinking, I am going to wait until Thanksgiving to tell my family.
Oh, by Christmas I will be 16 weeks.
Probably almost past my morning sickness.
Showing.
I will be wearing maternity clothes for Christmas.
Gee, what will I wear?
These are the type of thoughts I had. So now that it is near Christmas this is a reminder to me of what will not be. What I thought this time of year will be like, but is not. I still am enjoying the time with my children and Jon, but there is a sadness that kind of has been sticking with me more for the past few days. I can only say that this must be why. I would be feeling him move by now. But, I do not. He is not there. This reminder brings on the emptiness that I literally feel inside.
I wish I had my baby.
I wish I was wearing maternity clothes.
I wish I could touch a bulging belly.
I wish I could feel his tiny movements.
I wish I could refer to him as the baby when talking to people about how my pregnancy is going.
I wish I had gained weight for a reason.
I wish my baby were here.
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