The Real Miscarriage Part 1

Silence. 

I have been contemplating over the past few weeks about why miscarriage is not talked about.

Why?

Is it because it is too painful? Is it because we don't know what to say?  Is it because it is easier to forget?  Is it because we don't understand?

OR

Is it because we don't consider the life that was inside of us an actual life?  Or at least not an important life.  We never got to see it, we never held it, or heard it cry.  Does this make it too easy to not let our mind wrap around what it truly was.  We never put it in a coffin and had a funeral, so we don't need to think about it.  We didn't know about it long, so we can easily forget.  It wasn't more than tissue, so we can move on.  No big deal.  It wasn't a person that we talked to and interacted with.  So, it is simple to ignore it. 

I am pretty convinced, at least from the women I have talked to so far, that this is not how they feel. Even though their baby was never held, never seen, didn't cry, wasn't put in a coffin, looked only like tissue and blood.  These women hurt.  Deeply hurt.  The pain is the deepest pain that has ever been felt. The pain is not like any other.  The pain lasts, even 7 years later.  A deep sadness, always there. This pain is real, their baby is real. 

So, why the silence? 

For the women who lost, is it because the pain is too raw and deep?  Is it that they aren't sure how to express it?  Are they not sure how others will react who have not been through it?  Or is it because no one else talks, so they can't.

For the people who never lost, is it because they don't know what to say?  Is it that they don't understand?  Is it that they don't consider it that big of a loss? 

All I know is that there is silence.  These women go through this pain, quietly.  Their babies are gone, and they can't talk about them.